I held on.
Year after Year.
I let go slowly of the possibilities and promises but I still held on.
My heart was only for you.
My body, and
I always knew you’d continue to let me down but I would still try to bait you.
I wanted you to come back but I didn’t want you to stay.
I didn’t trust you anymore. I knew there was no going back to our once upon a time.
A lot happened between then and now. Unforgivable and Unforgettable stuff.
But I still baited you.
I still, though reluctantly, answered your call(s).
My heart and my brain were never on the same wave.
My soul did not want you. That’s an interesting thing.
My ego wanted you to want me again. The self esteem you tainted needed your vindication.
All I wanted to hear was “I want to be with you. It’s always been you. Let’s try this again, for real.”
And finally, one day, you said it. Sincerely. I actually believed you.
Yet in that moment, I was over you. I felt nothing.
Those words were just too little, too late.
Entry for Nov. 19.