Bloomies!!! I have Missed. You. Guys.
This is a real live post. No editing. No outline. No drafts.
I knew I wanted to write to you guys today, right now; catch you up a ‘lil bit on what’s been going with me, and get this Bloom Train back on the tracks. Nahhh’meaannn?
It’s crazy how life works right? Not that long ago, I remember in 2016, I made a promise that if I revive my blog, I was going to post monthly no matter what. After all, you must feed passion with consistency. And I lived up to that promise.
That is, up until last October.
I mean there I was, happy and livin’, minding my own business and LIFE just said, “nah,” and hit me like YOU TOO COMFORTABLE. WAKE UP. And my life has not been the same since.
To set the story up right, when I’m not writing I work a 9 to 5 as a government contractor. Anyone who knows anything about contracting – it’s a very fickle but cool professional space. It’s good when it’s good but it comes with some uncertainty at times.
My uncertainty came when I learned last October that the contract I was on was ending.
HOLD. UP. Wait a minute!
*Clutching my pearls* Where am I ’bout to work though?! ‘Cause the 1st and the 15th, rent.is.due. — and it doesn’t really care too much about if you have a job or not.
Let me stop for a second.
I’m going to change how I write the rest. This is not a pity post – this is a purposeful post. A “lesson learned” post. I hope I communicate that effectively with what I am about to write.
The follow is based on a true chronological set if events as lived by me *queue the stress and anxiety*:
November – I found out I grind my teeth in my sleep (usually stress related) to the point I cracked a tooth and developed mild TMJ – T-M-DAMN-J. *FML*
December – No job lined up. One and a possible for my Spades players.
January – Discovered I have four cysts on my thyroid and need a biopsy. Also was able to get moved to a new project within my company.
February – Biopsy – done. Benign. *Queue Praise Dance*
Also February – new project isn’t really working out for me that well. *FML still*
- Interviewed and got a new job.
March – Turned 34. Chillest birthday ever.
April-Started my new job.
May to Present – Still getting adjusted to new job.
So that’s where I am right now. Adjusting but feeling uneasy and unstable.
As I try to decompress finally – I keep asking God for the discernment, and help in identifying the season He has me in.
You hear it all the time that stress will kill you. But I can now attest personally, that stress is going to kill me if I don’t act like I have some sense and learn balance. It is easier said than done, so I’m not even going to sit here and say – you can do it just try. Nah, we know it’s not that easy. But it is that necessary, right?
I realized that I am chronic stressor by habit, and taking things out on my body is almost second nature to the point I don’t really notice until I crack teeth! SMH.
So for those of you that are affected by stress and anxiety like that – let’s conquer this together. Talk to me in the comments.
Secondly, I realized that everybody “got you” until you ask them to “get you.” I’ll leave that there. Not that anyone owes me anything at all but if you’re going to say it, show up, please. I already hate asking people for things so if I ask, know that I need help.
Third, impulsivity, if I don’t learn to use it appropriately it is going to ruin my life. I struggle with it in my relationships and love life, but this is the first time it has actually spilled over into my professional life. Be still under pressure – don’t act on it. It being “OMG” or “YIKES” type feelings.
If you move without knowing what you want, you stand more of a chance of being disappointed, and further in the abyss rather than pleasantly surprised by new or better opportunities you actually want. Steps that make sense and align with your goal(s).
Lastly, “Life favors the prepared” and “have faith,” are not just popular sayings to quote in hard times. If I’ve learning nothing else during my hiatus from hell? it is that my faith has been tested, and I understand that if faith by definition is believing in things unseen – and KNOWING your needs will be met, I must stay in a constant state of having faith. [Daily affirmation: Everything I want I will have (period)]
No one is going to look out for you like you. Make sure you’re reaching your goals and milestones. Don’t set them and see what happens. Set them and track your progress. It’s an ongoing process.
I got very comfortable and “life” caught me off guard. I can be honest about that.
Now I oddly, and erringly, find myself answering questions that I was asking myself when I first graduated college at 22 years old. Like what is my passion? What do I really want out of life? Where do I see myself working? Where should I be focusing my energy? What’s my plan to become more financially free so that I am not a slave to anything?
I also realized that my network needs to be refreshed. I need to hang around more like minded people where my ideas don’t so seem far fetched or filled with challenge but who can help me build some bridges or mentor me to the next level.
They say life is about who you know – but I believe it’s also WHO.KNOWS. YOU.
In the words of Oprah, “What I Know For Sure” is that wake up calls come in different ways and at different times.
I’m changing and there is nothing comfortable anymore about where I am currently. I’m getting used to being uncomfortable, which I think is a good thing because it keeps me on my toes. And all the Lord keeps whispering is “Be Still” [SMH, me and God are still negotiating this because I need a clue or somethin’…to be continued]
I will say, however, since beginning my spiritual journey back in 2016, I know that God is not only testing me, but He’s preparing me for my next chapter.
And that is where my comfort lies right now.
Some days I’m a little moody. Some days I’m down. Some days, I feel lost. But I just keep reminding myself that there are. no. mistakes.
Health is wealth.
Keep your network fresh.
Keep your options open.
Keep your cred up.
It doesn’t mean anything if no one knows you’re looking AND what you’re looking for.
Life goes on. Grow with it.